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What to do if a family member has an anxiety disorder...
- Don't make assumptions about what the affected person needs; ask them.
- Be predictable; don't surprise them.
- Let the person with the disorder set the pace for recovery.
- Find something positive in every experience. If the affected person is only able to go partway to a particular goal, such as a movie theater or party, consider that an achievement rather than a failure.
- Don't enable avoidance: negotiate with the person with panic disorder to take one step forward when he or she wants to avoid something.
- Don't sacrifice your own life and build resentments.
- Don't panic when the person with the disorder panics.
- Remember that it's all right to be anxious yourself; it's natural for you to be concerned and even worried about the person with panic disorder.
- Be patient and accepting, but don't settle for the affected person being permanently disabled.
- Say: "You can do it no matter how you feel. I am proud of you. Tell me what you need now. Breathe slow and low. Stay in the present. It's not the place that's bothering you, it's the thought. I know that what you are feeling is painful, but it's not dangerous. You are courageous."
Don't say: "Relax. Calm down. Don't be anxious. Let's see if you can do this (i.e., setting up a test for the affected person). You can fight this. What should we do next? Don't be ridiculous. You have to stay. Don't be a coward."
(From Understanding Panic Disorder, National Institutes of Health publication no. 95-3509)
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