ENcourage Connection

This morning I did my usual wake up and start worrying routine. I kind of have this thing where I think too much and immediately wake up with "Do I have something difficult to do today?" "Is there something scary on the agenda?" "What if such and such happens?"

Know the feeling?

As I lay there, half asleep but my mind going off 100km/h, I did a mental scan of what was happening in my body. I was able to do this because my body was relaxed (I had had a great night's sleep) and it wasn't ready to jump into high gear yet. My breath got shorter, my abdominal obliques shortened and were tight as a drum, my face was tight and jaws clenched...The more things tensed, the quicker and the louder the thoughts came.

I'd relaxed my body, the thoughts were little peeps instead of full on screaming. I mentally switched from what ifs to enumerating the good things in my life. Not just simple "pleasant thought replacement" which I believe does not work when the chips are down - but hard positive facts about me and my life that make the worrysome thoughts ease away - or at least go to the background for a bit.

The brain doesn't like the un-rutted road and it was WAY more into the dramatic stuff because it could get a violent rise out of my body. The neurons just eat that up - it's the only thing they know since it's the only thing being fed to them.

But mostly I observed all this. I observed the nervous system doing it's thing involuntarily, the brain really trying hard to grow legs and run, and I observed that somewhere in there was an observer = Me!

In a sense, I feel bad for my brain. It's not its fault it's in kindergarten while the real me has obviously graduated college. So I shushed it. Shush little baby lizard brain, shush.

It's not pleasant, I do have very real things to worry about - who doesn't - but they do not need to be addressed at 7am while I'm in bed do they?

My body was so grateful it had a lovely sleep, and I protected it from my hissy fitting brain. I have no aches and pains now, no poopy pants - still a bit sweaty palms - but I am alive, I have love, I can give love.

I also think it is an exciting thing to realize that despite trying to control everything, the true one thing I have absolute control over is -<letting go. I had 100% control over shushing my mind earlier by letting go of it. Not believing the urgency it wanted from me.

Letting go -< Not believing the thoughts.
Letting go -< Not hooking into them.
Letting go -< Releasing the body's tension hold.
Letting go -< What is, simply is.

Carry on
K.

• Can you say Eckhart Tolle? :) 15:24:10 07/13/2009 Pat at ENcourage (3)
  • You mean the wee guy that looks like Alfred E. Newman? lol... 07:34:37 07/14/2009 Kate_1 (1)
    • Paint it pink with sparkles, LOL!!! (n/t) 13:23:50 07/14/2009 Why (0)
  • Oh how funny... 18:16:30 07/13/2009 Why (0)
• Hey Kate..... 13:25:29 07/13/2009 Why (2)
  • Bonjour Robyn with a Why. 07:41:41 07/14/2009 Kate_1 (1)
    • Bonjour Mz. Kate... 13:21:32 07/14/2009 Why (0)

In Reply to: Hmm. posted by Kate_1 on July 13, 2009 at 07:24:42:

Kate, you've been doing your homework! LOL Seriously, it's so great to find that observer voice.

(I don't mean to sound so mysteriously esoteric to those who are not familiar with such readings and concepts...)

As for anxious mornings, I remember hearing Dr. Daniel Amen (brain researcher) say that there is a particular portion of the brain that is more active in the morning; he told of how he realized this when he asked why it was that whenever he took his morning shower, a flood of concerns and worries popped into his head. Brain scans proved out the fact that it was due in great part to the activity of that section of brain each morning!

Anyway, good work!!

Mrs. ENcourage

In Reply to: Can you say Eckhart Tolle? :) posted by Pat at ENcourage on July 13, 2009 at 15:24:10:

I know the ideas come from him, I was also trying to explain it in my words - since many are turned off by his intellectual difficult approach.

The mornings are sneeky - I think it is our bodies being vulnerable, low blood sugar, sleepy, and the brian being turned off (well it's on, but we don't care) for the night - it wakes up with a bang. "Pay attention to me damn it" the brain seems to say.

I love mornings when I can say back: "Go to the naughty time out chair."

I think I'll put sparkles on its chair. Paint it pink.

:)

In Reply to: You mean the wee guy that looks like Alfred E. Newman? lol... posted by Kate_1 on July 14, 2009 at 07:34:37:

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In Reply to: Can you say Eckhart Tolle? :) posted by Pat at ENcourage on July 13, 2009 at 15:24:10:

I get my best ideas in the shower! lol Seriously, that's when I usually come up with my best plans for a story to write, something to do for work, or a creative project. Very interesting!

In Reply to: Hmm. posted by Kate_1 on July 13, 2009 at 07:24:42:

Wow, that is every morning for me! I usually only sleep a few hours at a time, but when I do wake up feeling somewhat rested, the moment I become "conscious" and begin to think about my day, about life... the worries beging swirling, my breathing grows faster and everything tenses, and a lot of the time I am then also in physical pain. Wow.

You do much better than I do at letting go. I do manage somewhat though, because if I don't try to calm myself and allow myself to stay restful when it happens, it will turn into panic. So I do almost what you explained... talking to yourself like a little child... I am okay, rest little one, stay comfortable under the blanket and let your body adapt to the waking life, but try to remember the peace I just felt in sleep.

Wow, you get this too. I knew I wasn't the only one, but you described it so well, and you know the answer, which you also described so well. I need to work on it the way you described it.

Thank you for posting this, Kate-y-did.

Hugs,
Robyn

In Reply to: Hey Kate..... posted by Why on July 13, 2009 at 13:25:29:

Oh yes, I do have this in the morning, many mornings in fact - so no we are not alone.

Let's not compare on how well or not we do my dear. I was just amazed at how well it went yesterday. I ended up having a good day too.

I highly recommend not actually staying in bed that long upon waking up. Sometimes what helps me when I still feel like laying there, is listen to the radio - not news things, but I like two dj's that are really funny so I get to stay in bd a bit and pay attention.

I like the art of making tea in the morning as well. Stretching, kissy kiss My Humphrey and just trying to be nice to myself. My brain is rude, mean, and wants me to get rattled - sometimes I just say no.

:)

Robyn, I can hear the strength behind your words - you are coming upon an upswing my friend - have fun!
K.

In Reply to: Bonjour Robyn with a Why. posted by Kate_1 on July 14, 2009 at 07:41:41:

I agree with you about not staying in bed long after waking. It's my impulse to just jump right up into life and the day, lol, but I have to stop myself... not only because of the anxiety, but for my balance and heart as well.

I'm glad you're hearing strength in my words. I wish I were feeling it. I heard from the school today after they received my letter, and we talked. There are things I need to think about, and not lightly. Not sure what to do.

The upswing will be fun... whenever it comes. :)